I just want to write, dammit. But between me and writing is a series of roadblocks. First it was a static site generator that I was forcing myself to design. Then it was a Gemtext to HTML converter that I forced myself to write. Now its an Atom feed generator that I'm forcing myself to come up with.
I do want to make those things, but I don't want to make them right now. Right now, I want to write. If I put those things before the writing then the writing will never get done, because I will always want to do the writing instead of the programming. Plus, why bother making those things when there's nothing cool that they're going to help support?
If it isn't those roadblocks, then there are more. My writing needs to be good. It needs to have a purpose. There needs to be a reason that I'm publishing it, and a reason that other people will read it.
That is "ike" thinking. It's bad, evil, complicated. I don't have the urge to write because I want to become a popular blogger. I have the urge to write because I want to write. I want to put my thoughts into text and put them somewhere for others to read, in case they might find those words helpful.
That is why I have the word hole. Maybe sometimes I do want to make "good" writing. Maybe sometimes I do want to spend the time planning out an essay, writing multiple drafts, and considering what it really is I am trying to say. But when I don't- when I just need to put my thoughts down into words and share them- I have the word hole.